....

The key turning in the door's lock, one step away to one more night of cold, cold loneliness and sadness and indifference. A casual kiss, so warm as a shake of hands between strangers.
Oh hell! What else is new?! I got used to it, to you and to that routine of ours. One more night perfectly similar to all the others, I'm lifeless...at a first look. But if you looked deeper you would see life threatning to blow in your face. You think I didn't feel it coming months ago, I foresaw it even before you wanted it...her. So when you blew it in my hears as sharped knofes to hurt me my only shock was to see it coming from your mouth.
It was just one more step to the void, a larger one, but still a step.
Going back in time the only thing I regret is that we should hae followed different ways by then...but no. You decided you had made a mistake and that you had to prove it to yourself through me, or the rest of me!
If it wasn't enough that I was wick you went on and smashed me a little more, why not right?! After all I'm made of steel!
Got sick of it and I tell you now, how I regret I didn't follow my impusle and throw myself in his arms (or other's arms, it really doesn't matter. Taste him, feel him wanting me, trembling at his touch and wanting him warm and sweet inside me. To caress his fine skin and searching his tongue between his appetitful lips. To feel wanted, desired and interesting (in all aspects, believe me) after so much hunger.
I would feel avenged, I would be fulfilled (...considering), it wouldn't be difficult and I would spare me (and you too) to one stupid year of running to a dead end, because you wouldn't forgive nor forget (neither I did, I concluded lately). But I take the blame without having the taste, your mistakes always had a cosmic reason to be which I couldn't argue and mine...I can't even say it, so ridiculous I was! I'd rather!
All this to thank you the six months that followed the big new when you, not happy with the rest of it, made me feel like shit, without strengh to protect myself from your poison (turning me against myself) and leaving me without breath to argue your "cosmic reasons", for I am the spring of all evil. Thank you very much for the several moons of depression, your reasons weren't now difficult to accept...after weeks and weeks without sleeping...So life went on, always heading to the void down there, but never to close because we were both experts in the art of pretending...until!!!!